By Becky Westwood, Organisational Psychologist at Monkey Puzzle Training and Consultancy, and author of ‘Can I Offer You Something? Expert Ways to Unpack the Horrors of Organisational Feedback’.
If you find feedback challenging – either as someone providing it or receiving it – you are not alone. Exchanging feedback can end up feeling incredibly personal. The highs can be encouraging and motivating, while the lows can feel confronting and judgmental.
While feedback can be challenging, it doesn’t have to be. Here are three actions you can take immediately to have a more productive and grounded relationship with exchanging feedback.
1. Control the possible
It is impossible to control another person, but we have complete control of ourselves. Instead of trying to control the other person in the feedback exchange, focus on staying grounded and in control of how you show up.
As humans, part of our brain is designed to give us what we focus on. If we go into a conversation thinking, “This is going to be difficult,” it’s likely to play out that way. That’s not to say that we should try to fool ourselves into thinking every feedback conversation will be easy, but as we get what we focus on, we should be clear on how we want to be rather than not want to be in the feedback exchange.
2. Get the recipe
During research for my book Can I Offer You Something?, I found that 100% of participants knew their own recipe for how they best exchange feedback. Interestingly, 100% of people had not been asked for or shared this with the people they work with.
If exchanging feedback is anxiety-inducing for everyone and you know your own preferences for getting it ‘right,’ it can not only help recipients get what they need but also save providers from guessing and likely getting it wrong. Taking the time to become clear about your preferences will allow you to proactively share them with the people you exchange feedback with and contract out an approach that works for you both.
3. Understand goals
In many organisations, feedback is saved up for annual review time. This can pressure providers and recipients to recall and recount a year of performance in a short time frame. Feedback can end up feeling tied to nothing more than ‘it’s just that time of year’. The result is that feedback can feel both incredibly personal and impersonal all at the same time.
By understanding and aligning on the developmental or professional goals you and others have, you can associate feedback to those goals rather than who the person is or isn’t, grounding it in the reality of what you or they want to achieve in a timely way.
About the Author
Becky Westwood is an Organisational Psychologist and Chief Experience Officer of Monkey Puzzle Training and Consultancy. Becky is the author of ‘Can I Offer You Something? Expert Ways to Unpack the Horrors of Organisational Feedback’.
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