| 1. ZEUS |
Justified in claiming the title ‘Sex God’ for his own, Zeus was top god in Greek mythology and such a big daddy that he pops up in Roman legend, too. When not presiding over the Olympic pantheon, Zeus performed Olympian conquests in the bedrooms of his wives and lovers. Credited with at least 80 children – some were deities like Hercules, some mortals like Alexander the Great – it no surprise that he’s also worshiped as a god of fertility.
VERDICT: DIVINE |
| 2. SCREAMIN’ JAY HAWKINS |
Hawkins’ crooning of songs like ‘I Put a Spell on You’ and ’Constipation Blues’ – coupled with a stage act featuring leopard skin clobber – saw him firmly labelled a ‘voodoo jive singer’ among startled audiences in the 1940s and 50s. ‘Contraception Blues’ may have been more apt ditty for Screamin’ since he fathered at least 55 kids. (His other nickname – ‘Heinz’ – suggests it may have actually been 57) Whatever the tally, Screamin’ isn’t arguing since a) he admitted to losing count of how many kids he’d had and b) he died, exhausted, in 2000.
VERDICT: RAMPANT |
| 3. IDI ‘DADA’ AMIN |
Dada by name and the mother of all modernday daddies by nature. Amin put his ability to produce 45 children down to a virile diet of 40 oranges a day. He took egotistical dictatorship to new heights, giving himself the full title of His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea. His nickname ‘Dada’ came about while serving in the British army. On many occasions he was caught with a woman in his tent, but would always plead that she was his ‘dada’ (sister) to avoid punishment.
VERDICT: DESPOTIC |
| 4. KING EDWARD I (1272-1307) |
Nicknamed ‘Longshanks’ due to his great height and stature – which in malnourished Medieval times mean he was probably a strapping five foot nothing. He never let the affairs of state, the rule of the monarchy and his personal mission to piss off the Scots (it was Longshanks whom ‘BraveHeart’William Wallace stood up to) get in the way of providing his throne with a successor or two – or 19 to be exact. Several heirs died in infancy but not his eldest son who – in 1301 – was named the first Prince of Wales, a title still granted to all first-born male heirs to the crown.
VERDICT: HERALDIC |
| 5. ISAAC MERRITT SINGER |
A star performer in a troupe of travelling players bringing thigh-slapping jollity to the lives of 19th century Americans, Singer makes for an unusual Superdad. The part-time inventor and full-time lothario would eventually call 19 children his own. When faced with the task of clothing all these nippers the ingenious Singer had the answer: the first portable sewing machine which he patented in 1851 – which soon spawned Singer, the first American multinational too.
VERDICT: SEWN-UP |
| 6. GARRINCHA |
Today’s playboy footballers aren’t unfit enough to kiss the boots of Garrincha, the dodgiest of Dads. Arguably the most gifted footballer to come out of Brazil, Garrincha rarely trained, signed contracts without reading them and stuffed cash into his kids mattress – only for it to get ruined during a bout of bed-wetting. His take on family life was even more maverick. Garrincha lost his virginity to a goat and bedded hundreds of women, spawning an entire first Xl of children – plus three subs. Womaniser, boozer and twice World Cup winner, Garrincha also ran over his father, killed his mother-in-law and died in the alcoholic ward of a Rio hospital.
VERDICT: UNSTOPPABLE |
| 7. CHARLIE CHAPLIN |
With more baby making juice coursing around inside his baggy trousers than you could shake a walking cane at, it’s little wonder Chapin received a knighthood for services to the film industry – he was well on the way to fathering his own multiplex audience. After four marriages producing 11 offspring the silent genius finally put his feet up but they slid off the table on to a loose plank that see-sawed a pot of white paint all over a passing policeman.
VERDICT: SLAPSTICK |
| 8. BARON VON TRAPP |
In The Sound of Music this Austrian naval hero protected his band of lyrical lederhosen-clad kids from the Nazis with the aid of a singing nun. In real life the Baron Georg Ritter von Trapp more or less stuck to the script. Seven of his 10 kinder would sing close harmony across Europe in order to put bread on table of the bankrupt Baron. But when asked to sing for Hitler the family scarpered to the USA.
VERDICT: HARMONIOUS |
| 9. MICK JAGGER |
Admittedly still less kids than there have been Stones farewell tours, but with seven from four separate partners Jagger is living proof of the old adage about gathering no moss. The arrival of the latest little Jagger, Lucas, in 1999 lead to model mother Luciana Gimenez using a DNA test to put Mick in the frame. Jagger’s wife Jerry Hall filed for a possibly costly divorce – only to discover that their Hindu Wedding on a Bali beach wasn’t recognised by UK Law.
VERDICT: ROCKING |
| 10. CLINT EASTWOOD |
Do you feel lucky? Clint does.When it comes to fatherhood, the man with no name has the Midas touch.The success of his acting, directing and even political careers have provided the required fists full of dollars to put his seven kids through high school.Age does not wither Clint. He became a father again in his sixties and said, probably in a low, gravely, menacing tone: “Since my children weren’t giving me any grandchildren, I had two of my own.”
VERDICT: DIRTY |
